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My name is Lee Linsky and this portion was written after I completed about half the essays.  I decided to include it because, without this additional information, a normal person would conclude that I was quite insane.  I don’t think this is true but you will have to be the final judge.

When we are born, we have brains, muscles and senses but the wiring is not complete.  Our brains are completely plastic.  For example, foot muscles and foot kinesthetic nerves are attached to roughly the correct part of brain, but the final wiring doesn’t take place until after birth, during the developmental process.  The baby’s brain performs a series of experiments, trying to move the foot in a certain fashion.  The efferent (descending) nerves carry the signals down a series of relays to the foot.  As the foot moves, the kinesthetic nerves, contained in bundles called afferents, send feedback back up to the brain and “rewards” the right neurons and “punishes” the wrong neurons.  Reward comes in the form of neurotransmitter, which not only communicates but also serves as nourishment for the right connections.  Punishment is lack of feedback and starvation.  The “wrong” connections wither and die.  The “right” connections solidify and thrive. Over our first 20 years, this whole process continues until we are completely wired. 

You have to admire whoever designed this system.  It is quite elegant and far easier than color-coding or otherwise identifying each individual nerve that ultimately has to connect to one or more of 100 billion neurons.  The only requirement is that the baby survives until the fine-tuning process is sufficiently complete that it can operate on its own.  The more complex the creature, the longer it takes to complete the wiring.  Cats, for example, are up and moving around two weeks after birth.  Can you imagine a human baby doing that?

What does all of this have to do with anything?  Upon writing these essays, I realized that I was introduced to girls, and fell in love at such an early age, that I was still growing, and my brain was still forming.  My experiences influenced the way my brain developed.  The wiring process doesn’t just affect motor functions; it shapes cognitive and emotional functioning as well.  I was just too young.  I wasn’t ready.  My brain learned to associate being in love, or at least infatuation, with blanking out, with fawning attention, to subservience, to doing anything for love.  Even by age ten, I think I was emotionally brain-damaged.  I lost the ability to think clearly when it came to love. My brain was also burned to be attracted to a certain type: roughly my height, pretty, dark hair, bangs, a certain voice.  You will see this over and over in the proceeding essays.

Every time I saw a girl I was attracted my heart would race in my chest and I would lose the ability to speak.  It took me many years to find out why.  There is a substance in the brain called gamma-amino butyric acid, usually referred to as GABA   While GABA is normally classified as an amino acid, it actually serves as a neurotransmitter; there are more GABA receptor sites in the brain than for other neurotransmitters such as dopamine or serotonin.  It has been postulated that when you are “in love” GABA overloads the brain and causes all the physical and mental symptoms associated with being in love.  It is socially acceptable form of psychosis.  It doesn’t matter if you call it infatuation, having a crush or puppy love; the state of being in love means your brain is imbalanced.  One of the hallmarks of this brain imbalance is that you make poor decisions.  Chocolate also causes the release of a flood of GABA, which is why people, especially women, crave it so much. It reminds you of being in love.  Some people think that the neurotransmitter involved is actually Phenylethylamine or PEA.  Actually, it doesn’t really matter what it is, only that it is real and it really changes your brain.

It has been clinically proven that the GABA or PEA “poisoning” wanes after 18 months.  That means up until a year and a half into a relationship, if you are in love, you are incapable of making a rational judgment.  How many times have we gone out with somebody our parents warned us not to, only to come to the realization years later that they were right?  If, after 18 months, you still want to be with the person lying next to you in bed, then and only then should you consider marriage.  At that point, at least, you have some semblance of sanity.  If you still want to get married after 18 months, then the marriage has a reasonable chance of succeeding.  Our ancestors knew this.  That’s why traditional engagements used to last years.  It gave you enough time to sort out your feelings and allowed your brain chemistry to get back to a somewhat normal mode of operation. 

The combination of being wired to love at such an early age and continual GABA overload whenever a pretty girl walks by has pickled my brain into believing the perfect woman is out there.  Since I have never met her, she has no face, no name: she has only ever been called “The One.” What makes her special is that not only do I know she is “The One” but she knows it too. With a few notable exceptions, I thought all of the proceeding girls were “The One.”  Keep that in mind when reading the following essays and have a little pity on me.